The Band

OK, so we here at The Lupners know and understand that our fans demand quality. In light of this, we present here not our actual biographies, but an impressive collection of lies, falsehoods, deceptions and obfuscations. Turns out they're much more interesting than the truth.

In fact, if you can spot anything on this page beyond our names that's actually true, we'll send you a lifetime supply of Lupners playing cards. Lee reports that there might be a few missing.

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Chalupner - Charlie "The Answer" Lupner is part guitar, which explains his profound oneness onstage. He does occasionally require re-tuning, but this is a small price to pay. He can often be found at Guitar Center spending time with his peeps. Happily, he is guaranteed good for the life of the band or 100,000 miles (whichever comes first), or you get a free Lupners coffee mug. Chuck was raised by a nomadic tribe of sharecropping banjo players in the Black Hills of South Dakota. There he fashioned his first Stratocaster out of mud, and could be found shredding on street corners in downtown Pierre mostly to keep warm and also to earn the occasional nickel. He toured in the 50's and 60's with Wilson Pickett, and was the lead guitarist for the all Muppet band, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. Thanks to science and space-age polymers, he has managed to clone himself twice of late, appearing with The Lupners as both "Acoustic Chuck" and "Mando-Lupner."

Glupner - Gary "88 Fingers" Lupner, when not moonlighting with his all-synth techno band Love Monkey, roams the countryside making most merry. He began his artistic journey as a hair double for painter Bob Ross and later worked the white-boy afro thing into a regular funk guitar gig with Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff. Legend has it that it was during this period that he invented white man's overbite. He went on to particular notoriety with his unique feral noise-making for Captain & Tenille's Muskrat Love, to say nothing of his session work in the 80's with Alvin and the Chipmunks. Gary and Alvin famously came to blows on stage in Altamonte when Gary allgedly remarked that Alvin had sold out on his chipmunk roots, a charge which Galupe denies to this day. Gary is the only board-licensed Crooner in the band and we all generally agree that he STILL has the best hair.

Tlupner - Tim "Lil' Elvis" Lupner is an entirely fictional character from a Japanese manga novel series, Foamy Kitten Rainbow. Tlupner was well-noted for using his drumming superpowers to capture power ups, find dragon balls, solve crimes, and woo doe-eyed manga babes with his blue hair, a power he retains to this day. He is credited with inventing the now-popular manga practice of speaking in staccato bursts of nonsensical English, much to the delight of his many fans. Musically speaking, he came up through the ranks of Kool & The Gang as a falsetto double for lead singer J.T. Taylor, as well as the token funky white guy. His drumming technique is remarkable for the fact that he uses no sticks or implements of any kind. We really don't want to know how he does it.

Slupner - Stuart "Mudbone" Lupner began his musical career as a Delta blues man in Yazoo City, Mississippi. At the tender age of 6, he toured numerous backwater hovels and gin joints with Muddy Waters and Furry Lewis before branching out on his own. His first solo project, Mudbone and the Mississippi Chitlins, was an instant success, due largely to Stu's unique method of guitar picking with a common dinner fork. He launched an ambitious, though unsuccessful, line of guitar pickin' forks under the "Tabletime Blues" line. In addition to being The Lupners front man, he is now a reserve Wrangler at Lake Highlands High School and still has forks available for $1 each.

Blupner - Bill "Three Fingers" Lupner is a founding member of the Dave Clark Five and is currently on tour with the late Don Ho. He began playing bass at age 2, when he won a '68 Fender Jazz Bass in a specially marked box of Cheerios. After years of laying down numerous slammin' grooves for his folks, he moved on to a brief but successful career with Los Mariachis Hambrientos, where he was known as "El Guapo." After mentoring Jaco Pastorius at the prestigious Funkdafied School of Bass, he began in earnest his journey through rock and roll, stopping only occasionally to answer fan mail. He has been thrown out of The Lupners six seven eight times to date and is affectionately known as "The Worm."

RETIRED - Mclupner - Mike “Sludge” Mclupner learned to play guitar using a warped broom handle strung with a piece of baling wire that he stole from his next door neighbor's farm just outside of Payoti, Oklahoma. After saving enough money picking Okra, Sludge bought himself a one way ticket to Hollywood, California and the rest is history. Sludge became a session player and can be heard playing various instruments on many of the greatest songs of all time. His hand clapping can be heard on "Hey Mickey," his operatic soprano vocals on "Boheminan Rahpsody" by Queen and his incredible piano solo on "China Grove" by the Doobie Brothers. After a five year stint in Rehab, Sludge is back with a vengeance, playing five string lead rhythm guitar, keyboards and synth-sax for The Lupners and can be heard using his electronic ankle bracelet for tambourine parts.  Inducted 2009.

RETIRED - Lelupner - Lee "Commander Zorg" Lupner is descended from a superior alien race of body-snatching drum gods who are currently seeking mankind's leader, having already conquered a good portion of the known universe. Lelupe's body-shell, pre-inhabitation, began drumming in utero, where he originated the parts for "Wipe Out" and "Carry That Weight". He once killed a man with a particularly raucous solo, though we all generally agree that the guy had it coming. Lee rescued the infant Buddy Rich, who was being raised by coyotes, shaved him down and tutored him early on in his quest for percussive greatness. Lelupe spent the 60's and 70's mentoring John Bonham and Neal Peart and playing throughout the Caribbean with his steel-drum project, Irie, Mon, Irie. When not keeping The Lupners on point, he enjoys space travel and conquering distant planetoids. Inducted 2012.

EMBALMED - Scralupner - 2004-2013 - Scrappy "The Wonder Dog" Lupner served as the band's official mascot and backup leg humper. His zeal for all things Lupner was surpassed only by his great love of swimming, barking at the front door, and snacking out of the cat litter box. His backup vocal tracks can be heard on a number of Lupners standards, most notably Fergie's part on I've Got A Feeling. Though he has entered another spiritual realm, his contributions to Lupnerdom are legend, and we raise to Scralupe our goblets of rock. Inducted 2013.